Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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