apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize