i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
