I hate all girls vehemently.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
