I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
