If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
