im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
