I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
