four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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