i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
