I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
