I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
