You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
