Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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