I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
