I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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