Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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