we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
