9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
