I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
