I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize