i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
