I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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