i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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