32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Randomize