Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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