I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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