my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
