the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
