There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize