I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It's blow job season.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
