i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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