Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
