I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
