shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
