; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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