Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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