The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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