1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
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