So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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