he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
