he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
