He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
