im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
