I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
