Moan for me like Helen Keller
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
