I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
