If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Drunk is not a location!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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