who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
