Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
