I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
