Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
