She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
