I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
