Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
