I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just took my morning after pill in the library
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
