My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
