I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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