it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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