its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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