he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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