you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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