I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
