She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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