I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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