I think i peed on brittanys purse
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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